IMG_5639After a beautiful trail run on Sunday afternoon, I stopped into the church parking lot to pluck my eyebrows.  Yes, that sounds odd, but a parked car on a brightly lit day is the best place to remove those pesky little hairs.  I pulled to the end of the parking lot, looking over the mountains, and noticed for the first time the Stations of the Cross there.  It is really very lovely.  I prayed there for a while, then got back in my car and realized I can find absolutely no tweezers, not at home either.

On Saturday night, I attended Mass at the church where I am a parishioner.  At the end of one atrocious song complete with banging cymbals and drum rolls, three words popped out of my mouth – out loud.  I said “cha-cha-cha.”  And that was when I knew I must not go there anymore.  Thankfully I know where to go.

I seem to be acting like a nutty old lady a lot lately.  Thank God for my AA group, where they don’t find me nutty.  They have known me a LONG time and they think I have made tremendous progress – because that’s the truth.

Yesterday I said something outrageous at work.  Their mouths dropped.  My boss’ face turned red.  We are all professionals, highly qualified, and with master’s degrees to boot.  But part of our “other duties as assigned” is making coffee for the meeting every week where we are supposed to be seen as topic experts (the topic isn’t coffee). I have told my boss from the get-go that I will do it, but I find it degrading.  I also help my co-workers when it is their turn, because I can offer that up.

Yesterday I told them all that they are so young they couldn’t possibly understand what a woman my age had gone through to obtain them the rights they take for granted.  Then I told them that for me being asked to make coffee is like a black man being asked to shine shoes on the way to the meeting, and then sitting at the table as the “expert.”

Yes, this is a lesson for everyone in how NOT to get along with people.  The amazing thing is that they still love me.  But I know I am skating on thin ice.

Not feeling particularly well these last few days.  I feel like I am coming down with some dread cold or cough.  I hope I can fight it…. but we shall see.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  — Psalm 121:1-2


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10 Responses to

  1. Micky says:

    Mary I smiled to see the Biblical quote you chose: in the summer friends took me for a walk in remote mountains in Scotland to shake off my deamons. i was soothed alright and that passage came to mind.

    maybe you gave your young work colleagues pause for thought with your coffee retort?

  2. Syd says:

    Well, I hope that you aren’t getting a bug. Nice to be able to get home after a stressful work day, I imagine. At least, that was how it used to feel for me.

    LOL–I have seen all kinds of funny things happen in cars. Tweezing eye brows seems reasonable.

  3. Mary LA says:

    Liked that spontaneous cha-cha-cha! I pluck my eyebrows leaning out of the kitchen widow and holding a small mirror in one hand.

  4. atomicmomma says:

    oh Mary….making coffee for your co-workers. You ARE a team player aren’t you? Let’s put that master’s degree of yours to work now, shall we? Some things never change.

    I have spent many years in corporate america and I have seen and carried out so many STUPID, offensive bizarre requests from upper management in the name of “doing” (aka SAVING) my job for the company leadership.

    I thought of you this morning and tried to link but it won’t. So here is a long beautiful post that made me think of you. I loved it and I hope you do too. Just in time to make sense of the new “coffee duty” that life has thrown at you.

    Self-Love Stifles Our Being and Becoming

    “The logic of worldly success rests on a fallacy: the strange error that our perfection depends on the thoughts and opinions and applause of other men…

    The selfishness of an age that has devoted itself to the mere cult of pleasure has tainted the whole human race with an error that makes all our acts more or less lies against God…

    The devil is no fool. He can get people feeling about heaven the way they ought to feel about hell. He can make them fear the means of grace the way they do not fear sin.

    And he does so, not by light but by obscurity, not by realities but by shadows; not by clarity and substance, but by dreams and the creatures of psychosis. And men are so poor in intellect that a few cold chills down their spine will be enough to keep them from ever finding out the truth about anything…

    Only the man who has had to face despair is really convinced that he needs mercy. Those who do not want mercy never seek it. It is better to find God on the threshold of despair than to risk our lives in a complacency that has never felt the need of forgiveness.

    A life that is without problems may literally be more hopeless than one that always verges on despair…

    Indeed, the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt.

    The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers the most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture…

    Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost…

    It is therefore of supreme importance that we consent to live not for ourselves but for others. When we so this we will be able first of all to face and accept our own limitations.

    As long as we secretly adore ourselves, our own deficiencies will remain to torture us with an apparent defilement. But if we live for others, we will gradually discover that no expects us to be “as gods”. We will see that we are human, like everyone else, that we all have weaknesses and deficiencies, and that these limitations of ours play a most important part in all our lives.

    It is because of them that we need others and others need us. We are not all weak in the same spots, and so we supplement and complete one another, each one making up in himself for the lack in another…

    To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that Love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name.”

    Thomas Merton

  5. daisyanon says:

    That’s very interesting Mary Christine. Recently I’ve been finding my mouth opening and saying some of the things I normally keep locked up in my head. Nothing irretrievably awful yet but I worry that it is only a matter of time.

    I am wondering if it is because I have been trying so hard to keep my tongue under control, but I have been indulging in private rants in my head.

    Maybe this is not a good strategy. Maybe I have to get my thoughts and my tongue more integrated.


    • Daisy,
      For me, I believe I need to get my thoughts in line and then when they spill out of my mouth they won’t be hateful, mean, or just deliberately provocative – like my comment about making coffee=shining shoes.
      I have always had a really sharp tongue, that I have had to learn to bridle over the years. Lately it seems to be running wild.

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