Quick Note

I think this might be the worst depressive episode I have ever faced.  Not clear how I am going to get through it.  I am reaching out to my friends and family.  Don’t know what else to do.  I broke down at work yesterday and cried for 2 hours.  You know, I can’t continue to do this.  My boss sat with me in her office for an hour.  She was crying!  That’s how pitiful I am.

I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and pray constantly.   I don’t know where God’s will will take me, but I am heading there.

You may believe in a God who only showers those he loves with sunshine, rainbows, and puppy dogs.  That is a God I am unfamiliar with – except as he is extolled in cute powerpoint slides on facebook (click “like” in four seconds if you love Jesus, keep scrolling if you love Satan).

I would ask for your prayers.  And I would ask that you keep to yourself condescending comments about how you “overcame” depression by working the steps.  Tell it to Bill Wilson.

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14 Responses to Quick Note

  1. Mary LA says:

    My heart goes out to you Mary Christine, I so hope this depression lifts. Be self-protective, I just unfriend anyone who posts nonsense or bigotry on FB. You are in my prayers. Faith isn’t some cosy blanket or fantasy, it is what we find sustains us in dark nights of the soul.

  2. Kary May says:

    No words of advice. I’m carrying my rosary in my pocket and I’ll be thinking of you.

  3. Kelly says:

    prayers of course. +JMJ+ and as lame as it seems, virtual hugs. i would ask your prayers too. rough times for my daughter with ptsd and seizures.

  4. You are always in my prayers MC. All the bloggers are, but you get an extra dose because of your current struggles.

  5. Jackie says:

    Prayers, Sweet Mary. Sending prayers.

  6. Annette says:

    Oh Mary! I have had those crying jags too….they never hit when you are home alone it seems. I always joke that I have cried in every Starbucks in my county….when I walk in they say to one another, “make sure her table has extra napkins at it.”
    I am so sorry. Depression is so awful. I AM praying for you my dear. Please, if it gets to be too much, call your dr. Much love and care to you……

  7. daisyanon says:

    I am praying for you Mary.

  8. Grace says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your depression with us. I’m bipolar and in recovery for many years. At first I felt like a failure, like I wasn’t working my program hard enough. But depression and bipolar is a disease of chemical imbalance in the brain. A medical condition. This too shall pass. I know that but it’s hard to remember when I’m in the big middle of my depression. Big hugs to you and thanks for having the courage to share the good…and the bad.

  9. luluberoo says:

    Mary, I check in on you frequently. I’m so sorry to hear this. I will say a blessing of healing in your name this Sabbath night.

  10. Syd says:

    I hope this will lift soon. My wife had a terrible time when she stopped her medication a while back. She is now back on anti-depressants and doing much better.

  11. Mike says:

    A temporary fix might be to run and release some adrenaline. Peace

  12. MEG in VA says:

    Therapy and anti-depressants did not do it for me. Being with friends and family is what got me through a very dark time some 30 years ago. Today when I feel myself slipping back I get in touch with people who have meaning in my life…and it still works.

  13. atomicmomma says:

    I just cannot stand to hear you are going through this Mary Christine. I think depression is worse than some physical illnesses – it just swallows you up whole. I have witnessed the cruelty of this disease firsthand among people I love. It is heart wrenching to watch someone in the grips of depression and not be able to lift their spirits.

    Stay strong and pray. I will continue to pray for your healing. Just do the next right thing, get rest and know that God is with you and loves you and is carrying you even during this awful time. Pare back to the basics for now: sleep, eating right, work to keep a roof over your head and prayer. Don’t overthink it past that.

    At times I have tried a gratitude journal in the LOWEST points of my life and made a list of the simplest things to keep the hard times from swallowing me up.

    Love and healing prayers to you.

  14. deb smith says:

    thinking of you and sending you prayers and hugs xxxx

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