Yesterday my sister called to let me know my brother’s wife had died the night before. October 15. My brother called later, he sounds utterly devastated. They’ve been married since 1967. I remember meeting her when she was just a girl. A girl from Alabama, so shy, so sweet, and, oh! the way she talked! I loved that southern accent. She has been the only woman in my brother’s life. First, last, everything. She has been ill for years now. Her heart was never much good, I guess it is a blessing it lasted this long.
I desperately want to go to the funeral, but I say I can’t. In honesty, I could max out a credit card or two and get there and back. And deal with the consequences of that for the next year or ten. I so want to be there for my brother. My other two brothers and my sister are going. I just don’t think it is the right thing to do to go and be so irresponsible with my money. Or is it?
After writing this, I talked to my daughter, and prayed, and thought….. and remembered a credit card I haven’t used in years. In fact, I had to call to activate the card. I think I am going to just spend the money and go. My daughter said: There’s money, and there’s family – nothing can replace family. I think she might be on to something.
The medication-merry-go-round continues. My doc is on vacation, but saw my flurry of e-mails from the day before and wrote to tell me to call a nurse in his office – and take no more Prozac. Now they want to prescribe something to counter the side effects from Prozac. Honestly? That is just wacky – if the hypomania, or whatever it was – was caused by Prozac, why wouldn’t you just stop taking it? So, I don’t care, I am just going to stop taking it and see where that takes me. I am not going to start adding medications to counter the other medication – this merry-go-round just keeps going around and leads nowhere. I will just not take medications and see.
I will rely on God and all of the people he has been so kind to put in my life. And I will be in Alabama tonight.
Once again, I thank you for your prayers and ask for more – because I am greedy that way.
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Psalm 32:1