My race is one month from today. I took the above photo before the start of the same race last year. It was a beauty. But a hard, hard, race. I am now training hard (5 miles last night, over 70 miles in August). Last night I woke in the middle of the night with a charley horse in my left calf. The whole thing was knotted up, hard as a rock, and painful as can be. I hopped out of bed and tried to stretch it out. Once the spasm lessened, I got back into bed and massaged it. When I woke this morning, I was surprised to find that it still hurts! And yet, I fully intend to go out with my group for a trail run tonight. (It seems these cramps may be due to a shortage of potassium. I have just taken 2 Endurolyte capsules with 25 mgs. of potassium each.)
Here’s where I need some discernment. I signed up for an information meeting about Stephen Ministry tonight. I’ve read more about it since I first heard about the meeting. I have prayed. I have thought long and hard about it. I am inclined to forget about it for several reasons:
- My schedule is already over booked to the point where I don’t have enough time for my family and feel that these early years of my grandchildren are passing by without me (that’s a gross over-statement, but it is how I feel).
- My parish is mostly old people. I feel that I would be out of my “wheelhouse” to try to counsel someone who has lost their husband of 50 or 60 years. Someone young who is going through a divorce? yes. Someone who is losing custody of their children? yes. Someone who has a drinking problem? for sure. I don’t think that is the demographic of my parish.
- I need to go through a background check. Here I am: a 60 year old I-hope-devout Catholic – but oops! divorced a few times, lost custody of children, etc.
- The classes go for 3 months, two nights a week, from 7 to 9:30 p.m. SO past my bedtime.
I still have a desire to do this, but have to tell you something I have learned. From being old.
When my children were young, I was so busy “staying sober” and going to meetings morning, noon, and night, that I feel I missed their childhood. I listened to the people and “put my sobriety first.” What kind of crap is that? I put drunks before my family. I know I had to go to meetings and work with others, but I took it to an extreme that was harmful to me and my family.
I want to be present in my grandchildren’s lives. I don’t want to say “I can’t, I’m too busy,” when I have an opportunity to be with them.
I am conflicted about this. I will continue to pray. But I have made other plans for tonight (the trail run), so I am pretty sure I am not doing the ministry – and I need to make a phone call to them.
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. — 1 Timothy 5:8
(and there is a classic case of someone finding a verse to suit their desire. sorry)