This is my daughter, leaving the meeting on her motorcycle. She says its “cute from far, but far from cute.” It cost her $200. and is now her primary transportation. Oh, I don’t like seeing my dear one on this damn thing. I asked her to please stay off the highway, and unfortunately, we were on the same street for 20 blocks or so as we both drove to our homes. I had to look away and pretend I didn’t see her because it scared me so badly.
One of my friends at work – yes, I actually have a friend at work, and I am really grateful for her! – is a young mother. Her son got injured on Friday morning. I talked to her about how very squeamish I am. I was always a tough girl until I had kids.
When my son was 3, he fell off a swing set and cut his lip open. I took him to the hospital and the doc asked me to hold him while he stitched up his lip. I was fine with that, or so I thought. When the doc was done, he looked at me and said “are you all right?” I said “of course,” and then slid to the floor. That’s when I knew that something had changed inside of me.
It was so ridiculous, I was unable to take my children to the park, I would have my sister-in-law or other friends take them. If they climbed to the top of the sliding board I would panic – and then scare them. Even writing this makes my hands sweat. I am the same way with my grandchildren. Which makes me not that much fun as a grandma, unless you count my endless love and endless delicious food…. which I think kids do.
My friend, really good friend, celebrated 32 years of sobriety this morning at the meeting. We have a long history, and most of it is good. It was so good to be at the meeting. Why are different groups so very different? At this group, we actually talk about recovery from alcoholism, and people actually recover there. There is program, and there is fellowship, it is a great combination. I was invited to a barbeque this afternoon, but I didn’t go because it would use up some of the gasoline I need this week – it would have been about 50 miles roundtrip – and I already went 30 this morning to the meeting. And I have work to do. Would have loved to go though.
Sorry for this stream of consciousness… it is Sunday afternoon. The football game is on. I have work spread out on the coffee table and the sofa. It is the kind of work I love. Qualitative Analysis. Yay! This was my break, and now I guess it is over.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way ever lasting!