I bought a new watch yesterday.  I have worn a Tiffany watch for the last 12 years.  The band broke on my vacation and I don’t feel like coughing up $200. to replace the band.  So I bought a $30. watch instead.  I think it is so much fun.

I have a new tooth in my mouth, which makes me very happy.  But my mouth is so swollen that my smile is still lopsided.  Maybe later today I will be able to smile in that open way that isn’t trying to hide teeth.  For one who couldn’t afford dental care for so many years, a trip to the dentist is a luxury.

Yesterday morning I looked at my living room and thought “when was the last time you took down those sheers and washed them?”  I couldn’t answer because I have no idea.  But I know it has been years – eek.  So, I got on my ladder, took down the sheers, and threw them in the washing machine.  Then I realized I haven’t washed the windows for a while either.  So I did that.  A few hours later, I had the clean sheers back up.  Just for that little bit of effort, my living space looks so much better!

I thought about the fact that I haven’t been treating myself, my life, or my home well.  I haven’t been taking care.  I have been so laser focused on this job that is making me so unhappy.  That note on Monday did something wonderful for me.  It switched off the laser focus.  If my best efforts get me a note from my boss saying “f*** off!” then I think I shall change my focus.

I have started working out again.  I am going to get my house back into the condition it needs to be in.  I am going to do things that I enjoy doing.  I am going to spend more time with the people I love and less time with those I don’t.  I am going to do the little things that used to thrill me so…. like the lights outside in the summer…. I dragged them out of the garage and put them up last night.

Isn’t that festive?  It is such a small thing, but it makes my heart glad.   I am forcing myself back into the world of the living.

Today I have an eye exam at 9.  Can’t wait to get new glasses!  I started a flexible spending account, so I have the money for this!  Another total and complete luxury!    Then a meeting at the hospital where I worked for 17.5 years.  Looking forward to that.

Watch yourself, my son, in everything you do, and be disciplined in all your conduct.  And what you hate, do not do to any one.  Do not drink wine to excess or let drunkenness go with you on your way. Give of your bread to the hungry, and of your clothing to the naked.  Give all your surplus to charity, and do not let your eye begrudge the gift when you make it. — Tobit 4:14-16

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15 Responses to Peace

  1. sherryd32148 says:

    Oh Mary – you sound so wonderful it just makes my heart glad! Love the lights and love your boss for being so unprofessional and crude because it put you back in a place to take care of yourself.

    Have a wonderful Friday!

  2. luluberoo says:

    Wow, the book of Tobit. Isn’t it amazing parts of that book were found just over 60 years ago in the Dead Sea scrolls!

    I’m so glad you feel better, because, damn…life is grand.

  3. atomicmomma says:

    You sound so good! I am so happy for you. Thank you for the time you take to write you blog. You carry me out here in such a beautiful way. Thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  4. Annette says:

    You are inspiring me, to slow down, minimize my environment and my schedule and to get back to the life I enjoy. I am working way too much right now. Thanks Mary for being here each day and sharing your heart. I am grateful for that. Its an honor my friend.

  5. Mary LA says:

    Those lights look so pretty — the wristwatch too. Self-care and care of our surroundings makes all the difference.

  6. Sometimes cleaning the floors, windows or whatever, just “cleaning house” can somehow lift the spirits. I’m glad there was a spirit lift! I’m grateful that you have found a way through the mire of work junk and life junk and just junk. I’m continuing to be grateful to God for providing for you and I will continue to ask His blessing overflowing for you.

  7. Syd says:

    It’s good to be reminded to take care of ourselves rather than spend so much effort worrying about what others think or whether we are the best at a job. Sometimes a fuck off note is the reminder that is needed to make me decide that I do need to FO and enjoy life more.

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