Tonight there was a beautiful new rose in my garden – and lots of buds. It is hard to believe these roses are blooming in such hot weather. But I am glad.
Today I took the little note referenced yesterday and went to my boss’ boss. I told him I didn’t want to make a federal case of it, but I thought he should know about this unprofessional and disrespectful behavior. He agreed. He said he will talk with her about it – without mentioning my name or the specific incident. That’s good enough for me.
It’s like my friend Dave’s motto: Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? I do not want to give a year of my life and all my energy to filing a complaint about her. Odds are, someone else will eventually do it. I value my life too much for that. I will document all further incidents just in case I need it. But I hope not to. And frankly, I hope to get out of this job just as soon as humanly possible.
This morning I slept in until 5 a.m. When I got up, I took my time and went out for a run in the cool summer morning. I took the 8 o’clock bus instead of the 7 o’clock bus. And felt like a human being instead of a slave when I got to work. I told my boss that this will be my new schedule until it no longer works for me. Tomorrow I am going to go swimming before work.
I am reclaiming my life. I do not need to surrender to the lunacy I am surrounded by. And I do not need to fight back. I just need to acknowledge that it is nuts and try my level best to let it roll off of me. There is not one reason in the world why I should be treated this way, so I will not buy into it.
I am going to #1 – take care of myself. I am going to take the time to talk with friends. I have a lunch date with an old friend from my old workplace on Friday. On Tuesday, I am having lunch with my favorite psychiatrist in the land. I am working at home on Thursday and Friday. I will be away from that toxic place just as much as I can.
I have a sober birthday later this month. Many people early in sobriety think that paradise should break out in our lives and that every day should be nirvana once we get sober and “work a program.” Some of them even say that if they don’t have their “serenity” they might as well be drunk. Well, they must not have drank the way I did. Nothing in this world could make me think I might as well be drunk.
To me, the real mark of sobriety is getting through life without drinking. No matter what happens. No matter how depressed, how happy, how abused, how loved I feel. In order to stay sober, I have to play by a different set of rules. I cannot seek retaliation for bad treatment. I cannot even spend much time thinking about it. I need to let it go. I did what I needed to do and now I move on.
I will take care of myself to the best of my ability. I will reach out to my friends, program and not. I will walk around my garden with a hose on a hot summer evening, looking for a rose. And tonight, God has blessed me with one.
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. — Romans 8:13-15