I thought this photo summed up the hail damage my house and garden sustained. The paint on my house is dinged up, the front porch is a mess. Even a rocking chair on the front porch had its white paint blasted off. The paint is lying in little chips under the chair. There are little geranium petals pasted to the side of my house, quite far from the now denuded geranium plants.
I am wondering how I ended up in this position at work. A cultural anthropologist could made a study of it. It really is interesting. I have been in the workforce for 41 years. My skills have been honed and refreshed over the years. I am not making graphs on graph paper, I am not typing memos on an IBM Selectric – as I did in the early years of my career. I am only 11 years out of school! At the hospital where I worked for 17 years, I was the “go-to” gal for all things Excel, Powerpoint, and SPSS. Of course, I was working with medical professionals then.
Now I am working with a bunch of “girl geniuses.” They are all suffering their own crises, I have heard this from each one of them. They are, each one of them, used to being the young one, the smart one – and they don’t say it, but I know “the cute one” is also on that list. Their interpersonal skills range from OK to Abysmal. But, OMG! What they can do with Excel!!!! And then I get to ask them how the hell they did that when I am told to do it their way.
Humility is one thing. This is a whole other thing.
I never thought I would feel inadequate because my skills with Microsoft Excel are not in the top 1 percentile.
I will just say it outloud – or write it in black and white. I think this job was misrepresented to me and is a poor fit. I cannot sit in a freaking cubicle all day long clicking, clicking, clicking – little lines. The axis title is too close to the graph, the lines are blue not gray, the lines are 3 pt., not 2.25.
Why did they not hire a secretary to do this? This is not my skill set!
I miss doing what I do, and do well. I miss chairing committees. I miss leading workgroups. I miss producing things that are meaningful to patients’ survival. I miss working with doctors, psychologists, social workers, and yes, even nurses. I miss working with people my age. I miss the respect with which we treated each other.
OK, now I have made myself cry. So, I better get in the bathtub and talk myself into putting a smile on my face for another day. I will again ask God what he wants me to bring to this situation, and what I am supposed to learn.
Thanks for listening. Now you go have a wonderful day – and it really does get better if you ask God what you can bring to each situation, and what you are supposed to learn.