Relationships

These are roses from last summer.  At the end of a half marathon, a Vail Fireman handed me one long stemmed red rose.  And then some silly friends gave me their white roses, I guess they didn’t think they could get them back home to Denver without too much damage.  I got them back and enjoyed them for a while.  And although I have loved florists’ roses, I have come to love the imperfect roses that I have grown in my garden.  With great anticipation as they have lived through winter, budded and bloomed in spring, and gone dormant again in fall.  I have a relationship with my roses.

Last night I went to the hospital to see my friend who is recovering from a quadruple bypass.  It was such a shock to see him so weak and in pain.  But even so, when I asked him how he was, he put a smile on his face and said “terrific!”  without one trace of irony. I stayed with him for only a few minutes because I didn’t want to tire him.  But I did tell him that I miss him, I am finding myself lonely, and I need my old friends.  He said “me too!”  We vowed to not be strangers.  How I would love to just go to a coffee shop with him, drink cheap coffee, and laugh.  We always found a way to laugh through some of our greatest tragedies.  I have known him since I got sober.  At one point we grew very close because we were both living in the same apartment building (very close to our meeting), while we were going through divorces.  Later we both moved away from our home group, we sort of form a triangle with the group, he at the southeast point, me at the southwest point, and the home group at the north central point.   As I left, he held my hand and said “I love you Mary.”  God bless him.

This morning I got an e-mail from my best friend and former sponsor.  She moved to England in 1997.  I have never gone to visit her.  I planned a trip at one point, but it got extremely messed up and I canceled it.  I have never seriously considered visiting her again – mainly because she is drinking.

When I read what she wrote this morning, I think I have decided to go visit her.  Life is too short to not have the relationships that God has blessed us with.  No, none of them are perfect, but it is what we have got.  And to not be grateful and relish that is just wrong.  Here’s what she said at the end of the e-mail:

And do you know what?  This time am going to move heaven and earth to get you over here.  I want you to see the sea, the flowers, to visit the ancient pub where the Mevagissey Male voice choir practices every monday night.  I want you to walk up and down to the beach with me.  I’ll even drag you off to Tai Chi and stuff.  We can get on the train and go up to London!  There’s a whole world waiting for you!

I need to stop pushing people out of my life and then wondering why I am always alone.

But I also need to get ready for work so that I can get to work on time and continue to have my boss love me and continue to make what might have been a living wage – for someone who doesn’t do things like plan trips to England!

Have a lovely day everyone.

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23 Responses to Relationships

  1. luluberoo says:

    England is a great place to visit. London so full of…everything!..and then the beautiful countryside. My girlfriend asked me to plan a walking tour of England for later this year, but I haven’t done a thing toward it!

    I need people, I accommodate much so I will not be alone. And you push people away. Interesting what makes us tick….

  2. Annette says:

    I love that our circle can be bigger than just what includes the choices that are right for us personally. I love that in your humility, you can make room for your friend who is drinking and not judge her but love her as she is, where she is at and enjoy the friendship that you share. That is some beautiful stuff. I feel like I am learning more about grace and mercy everyday as I walk this journey. Everything is not black and white.

    • Annette, I think that sounds good, but it is very difficult to maintain a friendship between a sober person and a drunk person. I have tried it as people I have loved over the years have gotten drunk. But I will still try. Because they are still God’s children. No matter what.

  3. Dave U says:

    Go.
    You’ll love the English roses.

  4. Shadowlands says:

    Mary C, it would be great to meet up if you do come over.

    • OH! That would be awesome!!!! I will keep you posted on how this develops. Because for now, I do not have airfare or see it in my immediate future. 😦

      • Shadowlands says:

        You can stay with me too, if you like? Don’t worry about food or keep, I have enough to go round for both of us. It would be a real treat to meet you, for me anyway. My house is only small and I mean English small, not American small (which is huge) but I’ll find you a corner to be still in. Plus I have a garden that you can sit in and blog from. It’s pretty plain though, so don’t expect roses. I have a desire to garden…………………
        I will go to meetings with you too, there’s loads near me. I could arrange to pick you up in London on a Sat or Sun (my friend drives and he’s a Catholic, I don’t), if your friend could get you there(to London).

        I’m so excited I could actually get sick! (I have just eaten tinned spaghetti on toast with melted cheese mind-you, well it’s Friday and we have a meat fast here in the UK).

        I’m going to pray this happens Mary C, God willing.

  5. daisyanon says:

    Oooh, Mary, if you come over I would love to meet you and show you the sights and love to take you to an AA meeting here and introduce you to some of the longtimers here. Email me via my blog.

  6. Josephine says:

    Hi I love your blog just stumbled across it by accident, I have been sober since Sept 1997, by the grace of God & fellowship of AA, like you I couldnt do this without my catholic faith, God & our blessed Mother has never let me down yet.

  7. Mary LA says:

    How exciting! I look forward to hearing what you think of UK AA.. Cornish fishing villages! And I hope your friend is sober now.

    • Mary, I doubt my friend is sober, she probably would have mentioned it. I think I am still going to try to scrape up the airfare to go in the next six months or year.

  8. Syd says:

    MC, this sounds like a visit that will be good. I have found myself connecting with old friends and acquaintances from my past. It feels good to extend my hand in friendship rather than keeping both hands tight to my side. I am at that point in life where the realization is occurring that some people I may not see again. With electronic media though, it is possible to reconnect in other ways. And BTW, England is a wonderful place so filled with beauty!

  9. mommaof3 says:

    I, too, am rarely alone…..I need people and I think I keep people around me to not hear the still small voice in my head. I cannot even drive alone in the car without my radio on for very long…..I’ve tried it! I need more balance in my life……

  10. Micky says:

    Ms S
    Mary the UK has so much beauty for a small set of islands. Cornwall is amazing. I am often moved to tears by your blog posts and this one is no exception. Thanks for your honesty and soul searching and the time you take to share it. x

  11. Micky, thank you so much for your extremely kind words. I hope to be able to visit Cornwall, and then I might be able to experience that!

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