Trying to Refine

Theotokos with roses from my garden

I started this blog maybe a bit prematurely.  I hadn’t really thought it through before it was up and I was writing.  I sometimes do things this way.  My “other” blog was put up during a lunch break at work one day and then ended up being something I kept for nearly seven years.

I love to write, I love the blogging process, I like the discipline of writing every day.  But increasingly I felt that I was out of step with the purpose of my blog.  My life is in upheaval.  I am suffering from depression.  I am increasingly dissatisfied with the current state of the fellowship I was writing about.  It began to feel phony to write every day about it.  The blog is so frequently arrived at by a poor soul desperately seeking help for their alcoholism.  In my mind, it must be positive.  I cannot continue to blog there about depression, exhaustion, and dissatisfaction.

Seven years ago, when I started that blog, I was a sober Catholic.  But I was still at a stage when I could sort of write generically about that within the confines of traditions.  After the four-year journey through the Biblical School, I was profoundly changed.  It is now one year (and a day) since my graduation.  I still have my nose in the Bible every day, but I am not surrounded by people of like mind.  I find that my life tends to reinforce what I blog about.  I need to be more about who I really am, and not be constrained by obligation to readers who may need to hear a message.  I know that sounds selfish, but the message is still out there, I don’t need to add to it on a daily basis.

I am going to put a link on my old blog today.  I debated doing this all weekend.  I don’t expect that a lot of my readers are going to enjoy this blog.  That’s OK.  We all have to be true to ourselves.  This blog is what I feel I must do at this point to be true to myself.

Thank you for reading.  May God bless you all.

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This entry was posted in Depression, Icons, Meta-blogging, Roses, Sobriety. Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Trying to Refine

  1. shadowlands says:

    Regarding your biblical qualification, I would love the odd bible study post Mary C. It’s the one area I find to be somewhat lacking on the Catholic blogs.
    I really think this blog sounds like it’s going to be invigorating and interesting.
    Don’t forget to post pictures of pies now and again………..

  2. Syd says:

    This is your blog to write what you want. I know that you have helped a lot of people through your writings. That is one of the reasons that I keep writing. And the other is because I feel that I would be missing a huge part of my day. I decided that I will write about what strikes me that day. Often it is boring and mundane to others perhaps, but it is real to me.

    • I am not sure I am a big help right now, but still feel the need to express myself. I think people like to read about the ordinary lives of others, they usually don’t seem so ordinary – like your boat is not ordinary to someone from arid Colorado!

  3. Jackie says:

    Mary I would follow your blog no matter where it went. I need to hear your “truth” and love the way you tell it. Truth and honesty give me hope..

    Thank you for being you.

  4. patty says:

    Hi Mary! Funny I have been thinking of moving on as well, or maybe giving up blogging all together. I love you folks here though! I love the icons!

  5. luluberoo says:

    I don’t expect everyone to follow me over (I also put up a link). All things change, the bloggers and the readers. Thank goodness it’s not a static community.

    I’m also interested in the Bible classes, as I have joined a Bible study. I think mine is more informal than the one you took. We read together and discuss the passages. Since Oct, 2011 the group is only at Genesis 36…LOL I absolutely love the class, it’s a group that gels together!

  6. kberman says:

    I so identify with you. My sobriety date is 111/24/1976 and i started writing about my alcohol recovery at kathyberman.com on Nov. 2004. After 34 years of recovery, I found my primary addiction was to that family of origin. I started FB fan page about emotional sobriety and recopy a paragragh a day from the ACA Red Book. Recovery means moving forward on our individual journey. You are right where you are supposed to be. God bless your journey and your courage.
    Love, Kathy

  7. Mary LA says:

    I also worry at times about the kind of recovery ‘message’ I am putting out there, especially when newcomers to sobriety comment or email me. I would hate for anyone to feel they could easily sit on a lonely hillside and stay sober without meetings or that what works for me would suit them just fine. It isn’t that simple.

    And yet I find that I need to include the passing moods, doubts, questions, difficulties etc of my daily life if the blog is to be an authentic record of my life in sobriety. I feel each of us needs to feel free to write from the heart and not just produce what we think others want to hear.

    So good to read you here. I’ll be putting both you and Lou on my blogroll in the next week or so.

  8. Dee Q says:

    Great blog, great journey, and as with all travelling and trudging there are good and bad views along the way, this is how I see my recovery as a combination of the good and the bad, the great and the small the up and the down. You write really well and it is a joy to read whatever you write. This kind of writing is to me is about expressing who you are, not what others might want to see you as. Being authentic is vital to having an open relationship with a loving God. Keep on walking and talking and writing and believing. Take care

  9. Pam says:

    I am here.
    I am always on your side no matter what.

  10. Oh Pammie, I am so glad.

  11. Annette says:

    I found my way over here. First let me say….Mary, you are beautiful! I am loving the realness of this blog. It is shining through…..like you are set free to be who you are. That is always a good thing imo. So glad to be able to read you again.

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