Sorry for posting consecutive photos of the same rose. This might be the most beautiful rose I have ever seen in my own garden. I look at the roses and think of the old George Jones song, “It Was a Good Year for the Roses.” His life is in utter devastation, and all he has to say is “what a good year for the roses.” That sort of describes how I feel this year. My life is not totally devastated, but maybe I am. I have to do continual reality checks:
- My mortgage is paid for this month and my home is my home
- I have a job, and although it is ego deflation 5 days a week, my boss assures me that I am doing a good job and she values what I bring to the table
- I have friends who love me and although I have not had time or energy to give to any relationships since January, they still call me and talk to me – and sometimes check on me. Thank God for that!
- I am sober and have not had to deal with drunken wreckage or remorseful mornings for almost 28 years. Deo Gratias!
- I get to go to Mass tonight.
- A dear friend and psychiatrist urged me to start painting again as I left my old job. I will spend most of today in a church basement, trying to rescue an icon of St. John the Baptist that someone else mangled. It is a prayerful environment and does my soul good. I pray that I am spending that time not only restoring my soul, but offering something of use to God.
- Before I head to church, I will meet my running club for a few miles – anything under 10 is a “few” after spending the last two years training for marathons. I am healthy enough to do this.
- I have an Olympic Distance Triathlon (swim one mile, bike twenty-five, run 6.2 miles) in 3 weeks. In spite of the fact that I have not had time to train adequately for this race, I have a base of fitness, and should be able to survive the race. Not many 60 year old women can say that.
- AND, I have never seen such lovely roses or such a quantity of them! Not only in my garden, but in those of my neighbors. I love roses so much. I always think of the Blessed Virgin when I smell them – those who have been blessed by apparitions of her have reported the fragrance of roses.
It is so refreshing to write honestly about what is going on. I am suffering terribly from depression. I need to be grateful, it really does help. I find great comfort in being in a church, head down, painting a sacred image. I find comfort in Mass and Eucharist. I find comfort in physical activity.
I find comfort in the roses.